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for sale…! For SALE…! November 8, 2010

Posted by altari in questions.
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When you want to defend yourself after being abused… the closest society told you not to.

When you scream out your protest after being mistreated… the closest society told you not to.

When you expect an apology after being hurt… the closest society told you not to.

So what’s for SALE nowadays?


They want you to keep your mouth shut, face this agony on your own, and do nothing except giving in. But are there reasons why we have to nod our heads just like that?


passing half the year…. July 30, 2010

Posted by altari in the circle.
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wow… hold it Al, you make it sound like it all matters the most to the world *laughing at myself*

Yeah… been busy. Busy with work that most people are against of. The job appears to be surreal for them… But I can’t complain much, coz I can’t drive the way they use their mind, can I? Although these are the people who are supposed to be the closest ones…

Definitely a hard year for me.

But rest assured, I’m still grateful to God for the laughs God let me have.


you’re stepping on my heaven*, mother :) January 18, 2010

Posted by altari in mi familia, words.
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I could have just kissed your foot… but Mother,

…. I know it would just break your already broken heart to mere dust.

But feel this. Yes… it’s my hand, holding yours.

We’re in this together….

We are

(*) as a moslem, I’ve been taught to believe that heaven is within reach if you grandly honor your mother. Heaven being under a mother’s feet is a figure of speech to describe it.

the honour is mine… pffftt! January 1, 2010

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“If you just love ruining lives other than yours…. among millions out there…. why choose mine??”

asked I.

who should know that… June 6, 2009

Posted by altari in words.
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I’m sorry if I have a dignity.

I’m sorry if I want my share of happiness too.

I’m sorry if I don’t want to sacrifice myself anymore.

I’m sorry if I feel right.

I’m sorry if I object being hurt.

I’m sorry if I want to hear just that one word ‘sorry.’

I’m sorry if I scare you.

“advice, anyone?” follow up February 20, 2009

Posted by altari in words.
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Some of you may remember that I once had a situation with someone.

Regarding my situation, well… I’m not sure whether it can now be categorized as better or not. What happens these days is, I only talk to this ‘person’ whenever necessary. Meaning, she (yup, it’s a she) talks to me first, and then I reply, and… that’s it, pretty much.

Sometimes I blame the old me for having a high expectation on her. I mean, in the past I wanted her to be kind to me and treated me the way she treated others. But the thing with ‘high expectation’ on people is… most of them just let you down in the end. Yes, I’m very much aware that nobody’s perfect (ugh, I actually don’t fancy clichés but they always embody a condition precisely. To me, clichés can be annoying yet effective at the same time.) Still, not that I expected a perfection in her treatment to me, just please be nice.

Anyhow, now my burden is very much lifted compared to the last time. I thank and appreciate friends who spare their time to share their views through this blog and e-mail.

This person and I don’t communicate much with each other anymore, which is a good thing, because that way I can keep my mind clear from negative thoughts about and the irritated feelings from her. I see her more like a mere passerby, so I don’t feel obliged anymore to care that much about her, which is again a good thing.

You know what guys, somehow I read a signal from her that she actually was aware about my change of attitude towards her recently. I found that sometimes she tried to have a longer conversation with me and she made the attempt obvious. But then again, I remained the passive side. And I don’t see what’s wrong with that as long as I stay polite. I still need more time to be normal with her.

So, even though at the beginning of this post I sounded uncertain about my situation being better or not, now I’m finally able to conclude that yes, in relation to my feelings, it’s much better =)


iNeed… February 19, 2009

Posted by altari in humor, questions.
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a Dobberman, better be a huge and fierce one,

a hacker friend,

a lawyer friend,

a miracle.

P.S. Warning: This is seriously a joke which is jokingly serious.

if there were words, ever…. January 12, 2009

Posted by altari in the circle.
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dawnWe’ll all die, eventually.

Heard that. Known that.

Until death touches someone dear, in fact perhaps dearest to your heart… that’s when everything matters more. That’s when no such thing as perfect words can be said in such reality.

To a dear friend of my heart,

Yes, I know there is nothing I can say to put back together your shattered feelings. Nothing I feel can equate the broken heart. Nothing I give can compete what you accepted before.

But here I am, a soul and a prayer, for you. For him.

In memoriam of Oom Budi Setiawan (January 4, 2009.)

advice, anyone? December 28, 2008

Posted by altari in questions.

I’ve been wondering for a couple of years… how can I make myself like a person, whom I don’t like? Well, I know this sounds meany. But I’m not gonna defend myself for not liking a person. I have my own reasons.

So, all I’m saying is… I’m not asking much. I just don’t want the situation where I’m in now is getting worse and worse and suddenly… the time bomb explodes. Again, I’m not asking much. I don’t have to love this person. I don’t even wish to adore this person. I just don’t want to hate this person.

Please anyone who reads this be kindly to share your advice with me. That’ll be precious.

I thank you beforehand.

Because today, I officially lost my respect for this person.