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a small wish for this morning November 29, 2010

Posted by altari in feelings, mi familia.
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I took a one-month leave from work to babysit my toddler. And now the leave is about to come to its end. It’s today, to be exact.

Now is 1:30 AM in the morning. In 6 hours, I will have to leave my baby girl in my relative’s house before going to the office. I’ve actually done it for months before this, but somehow this time I feel it’s gonna be damn hard.

Having spent time with my girl 24/7 at home… to me it was a blast and a generous bless from God.

May God make my heart stronger when I leave her later for work.

May God protect her from harm and danger.

May God make this easy for me and my daughter.


for sale…! For SALE…! November 8, 2010

Posted by altari in questions.
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When you want to defend yourself after being abused… the closest society told you not to.

When you scream out your protest after being mistreated… the closest society told you not to.

When you expect an apology after being hurt… the closest society told you not to.

So what’s for SALE nowadays?


They want you to keep your mouth shut, face this agony on your own, and do nothing except giving in. But are there reasons why we have to nod our heads just like that?

hey, Dhani… :) September 19, 2010

Posted by altari in the circle.
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I wrote this because I love her. My best friend Dhani.

I knew her since we were in junior high. We were always chair mates for 3 years in a row, which I should honestly call as partly lucky, because we had what you’d call as the “best of friends, worst of enemies” moments. So, it wasn’t always fun an experience 🙂

But during this past decade, we basically have gone through everything together. Though Dhani and I don’t see each other very much, but whatever gigantically-silly-or-small-genius things ever come up in our minds just make us instantly dial each other’s number.

….and now she’s in labor, in her 40-weeks pregnancy. Been having 7-minute contractions since an hour ago.

Allah The Almighty, Allah The Loving, please guide her. Please make Dhani and her baby go through this just fine.



miss you, miss you August 30, 2010

Posted by altari in mi familia, words.
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Words I’d like to casually say to my Dad,

Pa, did you know? Your granddaughter loves to break-dance now. She also loves Disney princesses, her favorite is Ariel. She thinks Mr. Bean is the most gorgeous guy in the world. Oh, and she bites when she’s too excited. Yep, the terrible two moment…

…if only I could.

Oh, by the way Pa, she still remembers you, thank God. Yes, she misses you… a lot

…me too, Papa.

passing half the year…. July 30, 2010

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wow… hold it Al, you make it sound like it all matters the most to the world *laughing at myself*

Yeah… been busy. Busy with work that most people are against of. The job appears to be surreal for them… But I can’t complain much, coz I can’t drive the way they use their mind, can I? Although these are the people who are supposed to be the closest ones…

Definitely a hard year for me.

But rest assured, I’m still grateful to God for the laughs God let me have.


you’re stepping on my heaven*, mother :) January 18, 2010

Posted by altari in mi familia, words.
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I could have just kissed your foot… but Mother,

…. I know it would just break your already broken heart to mere dust.

But feel this. Yes… it’s my hand, holding yours.

We’re in this together….

We are

(*) as a moslem, I’ve been taught to believe that heaven is within reach if you grandly honor your mother. Heaven being under a mother’s feet is a figure of speech to describe it.

the honour is mine… pffftt! January 1, 2010

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“If you just love ruining lives other than yours…. among millions out there…. why choose mine??”

asked I.

who should know that… June 6, 2009

Posted by altari in words.
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I’m sorry if I have a dignity.

I’m sorry if I want my share of happiness too.

I’m sorry if I don’t want to sacrifice myself anymore.

I’m sorry if I feel right.

I’m sorry if I object being hurt.

I’m sorry if I want to hear just that one word ‘sorry.’

I’m sorry if I scare you.

despite the urge to PUNCH. March 25, 2009

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One day, when it’s like any other day…

you may bump into someone who just has to ruin your day. Your happiness is definitely not on his/her list, nor is his/her concern. What he/she does to you, may instantly make him/her on top of your hit list. Hit, as in ‘punch’, ‘blow’ or ‘strike’, definitely not ‘murder’ please.

What he/she says to you, may inevitably make the gravitation of the Moon show an evident effect on your blood, making it jolting up to your head and boiling. You imagine how it would feel relieving to fold his/her body into two, like folding a sheet of paper, if only you could. But then again, all you can do is keeping the grudge underneath. Oh how you’d like to do the same to the person in return, but it’ll just make you become indifference with him/her, won’t it?

He/She leaves… but your day stays there. Your rage is still trapped underneath, yet, your day has to go on. So outraged, you tremble.

  1. So, quick! Grab any of your favorite non-alcoholic drink, e.g. hot chocolate, iced orange, hot chamomile tea, et cetera. Drink it slowly. Savor every flavor. Don’t picture anything in your head. It’s between you, and the drink. It’s personal.
  2. Listen to your all-time favorite song. If you happen to be in your room, the good news is you can sing along and dance to it! Oopss… don’t forget to close the door. Someone watching you with jaw dropping (or worse, holding giggles) may be the last thing you wanna see.
  3. You keep your baby’s pictures in your mobile phone or computer? Go, go, go! Open the folders and start looking at them all over again, from the very first minute of your baby’s arrival.
  4. Bear this in mind: there’s always someone else in the world who has a worse day than you. It can be your neighbor, or it can be Angelina Jolie. Don’t get it wrong, this doesn’t mean you should feel glad about it. You just simply need to know that you’re not alone.
  5. Try to find a person who seems to need your help. Give advices, offer to carry your friend’s stuffs… you’ll find out that no matter how small the help you give, in a way it always gives us a good feeling. Sometimes one good feeling is enough to overcome the bad one.
  6. For my moslem fellows, I’m sure dzikr is the answer for the terrible moment.

10 things that may ruin your kids March 4, 2009

Posted by altari in home, mi familia.
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  1. Give everything your kids ask for
  2. Laugh when they make mistakes
  3. Dare not say ‘No’ to them
  4. Do everything on your own without giving your kids the opportunity to learn responsibility
  5. Teach your kids to defy the neighbor, the teacher or other grown-ups
  6. Make all the decisions regarding your kids without giving them the chance to decide on their own
  7. Always spoil your kids without giving them the chance to face the consequence when they make mistake
  8. Being overprotective about your kids, causing them unable to do healthy and normal activities
  9. Let your kids be when they are being rude
  10. Criticize your kids in front of the public

Me, analyzing….


The message is basically the same: know when to stop spoiling them. Sometimes I find that this can be more applicable to grandparents who just had their first grandchild. The way they spoil the toddler… well, well, well… I’m like running out of comments on that particular issue.

It’s as if the sun sets forever when they bid goodbye to the chubby cheeks. It’s as if they’re suddenly billionaires when the toddler smiles. The truth is, they’re unconsciously heading into bankruptcy since every penny they’ve got will be undoubtedly spent for toys, which will be played by the tot for 5 minutes and then tossed to the side…  for good, definitely with putting on an innocent face. Tragic…

Oh FYI, of course I’m talking about my parents here 🙄

But anyway, I can’t deny that I feel like envisioning heaven whenever I see them laugh together. Yep, talk about happiness being defined. So let’s pray those 10 things won’t happen in my house. Between changing diapers, running around to chase her, and Lipstick Jungle… I don’t think I have the energy left to scream at her.

Sadina & Oma, hm... going 80's?

Sadina & Opa, who gives away smoking for her. Way to go, Opa!

Sadina & Yang Ti, who always has a way to neutralize all the spoiling going.

Sadina & Yang Kung, who recently dedicated a book to her, eer... it's about building a road. Knowledge is power, yeeaah!

P.S.: The truth is… I myself is still searching for a way to stop myself kissing all over her face ALL the time 😳